No one said it would be easy.
How could something we thought would bring such joy — and maybe even did for a time — bring such suffering? The sometimes unbearable truth is that relationships aren’t meant to deliver a steady stream of happiness. The real and enduring promise of romantic relationships is to teach us about ourselves. They are the mirror we hold up, even though at times we would rather look away. But amazing things happen when we start to see ourselves more clearly in the relationship. Things soften and loosen up. We can start to peer out from behind our walls and risk getting to know our partner better. Maybe some of the things that drove us crazy don’t seem so bad any more. Or we start to tolerate conflict a bit better, trusting that there’s a way through.
As a couples therapist, I help you hold the mirror up to your relationship and to yourselves. I open a space where you can take the risk to say things that might otherwise feel too dangerous, where you can feel safe enough to be seen and known. I help you discover where your unique histories intersect, sometimes creating growth and sometimes constricting you. I help you in the delicate work of healing from betrayals, or finding each other again after long periods of distance. None of this is easy and it takes time, patience and courage. But I have seen couples discover resilient love and connection underneath the cloud cover of conflict and disconnection, much like finding gold in your own backyard. We’ll dig together.